That Awkward Moment When's & Throwbacks

That Awkward Moment When...

I think the "that awkward moment when" craze is about over, so I'd like to wish it out with some recent endings to the sentence.  

That awkward moment when you accidentally cut someone off in traffic, then turn into the same parking lot. 

An important decision follows: drive another lap to avoid confrontation, follow them to their parking spot to apologize, or walk with your head high pretending nothing happened.

One time in high school when I was trying to be super awesome but really was just being a punk, I flipped a guy off while I was driving. Turns out he was headed to the exact same all-day, indoor, wrestling tournament my friend and I were. He was huge, really angry, and I avoided eye contact with him for about 8 hours straight. It terrified me so much I haven't flipped someone off in traffic again.

That awkward moment when you admit you remember how a song goes when no one else can and are forced to sing aloud in front of tons of people.

The decision here is whether to quietly hum a short portion of the tune or confidently  belt all 3 verses - words, crescendos, eighth-notes and all. 

A follow up moment to this is that awkward moment when the person who remembers a song when no one else does continues singing the tune long after everyone remembers how it goes. Enough, already.

That awkward moment when allergies make it look like you've been crying at church, so people approach you with, "It was a powerful sermon, wasn't it?" or "Can I pray for something for you?"

This is tricky. If you admit it's allergies, it either looks like you're covering for your sensitive soul or you have no soul. Either: "It's allergies - I swear. Stupid pollen. No, seriously." or "I mean, I guess the sermon was ok...I was paying more attention to the burning sensation in my eyeballs. What was it about again?"

That awkward moment when you make a joke that goes so well you try it again later...to the same person. 

Variations include a) jokes that you anticipate to be hysterical that flop and b) so-so jokes that make everyone laugh so hard they venture into the ugly-laugh zone.

That awkward moment when you have to ask yourself how long your fly has been open. It's especially terrible when you realize you haven't gone to the bathroom in a long, long time, and have visited about 15 stores in the meantime.

Throwback

I've had several people over the past year say that I should write a book. First things first: what the heck would I write a book about and who in their right mind would read it? (Or maybe that's the point - maybe it'd be geared more for the clinically insane.)

It has gotten me thinking, though, about the funny stories throughout my 24 years in existence, so I've begun compiling them.

I could write about the time...

• a rat gave birth on my person at the pet store
• my mom and I ate wedding cake in a stranger's basement (still shocking to me)
• a backwoods Arkansas man pulled a shotgun on us for "trespassing"
• I dug through barf at Walmart (oh wait, that was 2 months ago and I already blogged about it. Just can't let go.)
• my dad saved me from an angry turbaned man whose picture I had just blatantly taken (This was before turbans were the in-thing so it was interesting  to me...if that makes it remotely better. Which it doesn't.)
• I called the police to report a crime and used the word "wiener"
• a Taco Bell employee was fired for harassing me
• we pulled a prank at the wrong house resulting in an angry half-naked man and a gun
• the nurse - and alleged medical professional - at Baylor saw my injuries and said, "OH $#@%^"
• (what am I missing, mom? <-- she's my most faithful reader. And by faithful I mean my only blog reader.)

I double dog dare you to start Throwback Thursday posting with me. It's fun thinking back on family stories that have never been written down. So write it down. On Thursdays. Or really whenever you want...I just want to read it.